Tried and Tested…
When I found out I was pregnant at 17, I was nervous about how my mom would react, about school, about friends, about life, but despite all of that, I was happy & there was no way in the world that I wasn’t going to welcome my baby with open arms. I knew that I was going to give my child the best life that I could possibly give her. I knew that I was going to finish high school, go to college and provide her with the things that she wanted and deserved.
So after graduating high school, I went to college and worked part-time. I would drop her off at one daycare in the morning, pick her up after school and then drop her off at another daycare while I went to work until 10:30pm. It was the hardest thing I ever had to do because all I wanted to do was spend time with my baby girl. Even though I was doing what needed to be done, I felt guilty. On top of that her father was in and out of her life and this made things difficult as well.
Now my child is 17 and she is not the child that I would have expected her to be. I’ve bent over backwards to do all that I can for her. All that I asked her to do was be respectful, get good grades and follow our rules. She just can’t do it. Everything is all about her and she has made it very clear that she is going to do what she wants, when she wants, no matter who she hurts.
I’ve tried, Lord knows I’ve tried to be the best parent that I can possibly be, but to some I’ve done a poor job with my oldest.
At 17, I was young and dumb, but boy from the moment that I found out that I was pregnant, I’ve done nothing short of love her unconditionally. I finished high school with honors, went to college, always kept a job, got her all her needs and most of her wants. Now, she is entitled and disrespectful and she has lost her mind.
She believes she should be able to do what she wants, when she wants to whomever she wants because in her words, “she believes she is grown”. I didn’t know it was that hard to respect adults, go to school, do your work and follow the house rules. Last I checked, that is what teenagers are supposed to do.
Now, I’m living in a war zone because if you can’t respect us and follow our rules, you can’t live in our home. The adults work 40+ hours a week, pay all the bills, buy all the food and make all the rules.
I’ve literally bent over backwards for this child. I’ve given her everything or very close to everything she has needed & wanted. I’ve tried to teach her about life, rules, family, doing good in school, the law and she has continued to blow me off and do whatever she wanted to do.
I can’t live in this state of chaos. On top of everything else, I have 5 kids looking up to her as the oldest and I don’t want them to get the idea that they can do what they want when they get older.
After several unsuccessful conversations, she has made it very clear that she doesn’t want to be here. She wants to be on her own, making her own way and doing whatever it is that she wants to do.
I love her so much. Lord knows I love her, but there is only so much I can do. If she can’t get herself together, then I will have to love her from afar.
This breaks my heart to type this, but my mind is heavy and my heart is broken. I honestly don’t believe she knows the extent of what she is doing, but sometimes, people need a dose of reality to get them back on track.
With unconditional love,